My name is Ruth and I married young! After completing secondary education, my parents found me a suitor and I got married. At first it was fun, but then my life turned to a routine: waking up, preparing my husband for work, doing house chores, eating and then going to sleep.
I often wondered, “Is this how the rest of my life is going to be or could I still fulfill my dream of becoming a teacher?”
One evening after dinner, I took my husband to a spot which we both liked and told him that I wanted to pursue a career in teaching. He refused saying it would be too much work for me to handle. The conversation got difficult and we couldn’t come to an agreement. I decided not to raise my voice or continue with the argument.
Later that week I decided to I ask my mother for advice. She is always there for me when I have to think through difficult choices.
My mum told me marriage is difficult and sometimes people don’t agree with one another, especially when it comes to women pursuing their dreams. She told me that because it was a topic that’s important to me I should try to start the conversation again, and help my husband see the benefits of me achieving my dreams. For example, I can support our family financially, I’d be able to understand his work stresses better, and also be able to give him better advice. Also since we’d both be earning an income we could put some money aside to save for our family’s future.
My mother gave me these three top tips for having difficult conversations;
- Make sure you are in a quiet space.
- Find a topic that everyone is interested in to build a connection and ease conversations.
- Clearly explain your point, even when it gets difficult remember not to raise your voice.
I took my mother’s advice. My husband seemed open to the idea of me teaching and said he’ll think about it. After sometime, he changed his mind, and supported me fully!
Now I know that if you have a dream you can still achieve it even if you got married young, you just have to find the right person to give you advice and support you.